Its summer, the draft is over, the off season is in full swing and given that baseball is the only thing in TV I need a basketball break. You’re a baseball fan? Oh me too. Its just I can't watch full games since they actually started doing something about steroids. I swear baseball was so much more interesting when I was a kid.
Atlanta: You know you miss Speedy Claxton. I don’t care how bad he is, that’s a name built for professional sports.
Boston: Its comforting to know that a city with 4 premier sports teams each competing for a championship won’t win a single one this year. Don't let me down Red Sox.
Charlotte: Michael Jordan could dunk from the free throw line. Still can’t run a team though.
Chicago: After that first round series against Boston I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch the Bulls again without being let down.
Cleveland: Rumor has it they’re opening vs. Boston aaaaaand playing the Lakers on Christmas, let the hype-storm begin.
Dallas: The release of several documents is shedding light on the Mark Cuban – Don Nelson feud. Too bad I hate Cuban anyway and won’t be reading them.
Denver: Best offseason move so far, acquiring Arron Afflalo (on the right). Hands down.
Detroit: Worst offseason move so far, giving him up.
Golden State: The good is news that Anthony Randolph is finally coming into his own. Now if only Don Nelson would spend more time teaching defense and less time petitioning David Stern to switch the NBA regular season to the summer months.
Houston: Trevor Ariza, yeah that’s a step up from Artest.
Indiana: No one said anything about all the white guys 'til them chose Hansbrough. But seriously do they know something we don’t?
LA Clippers: Hey Blake at least you’re living in Los Angeles.
LA Lakers: Ron Artest shows his displeasure at having to compete for minutes with yet another high caliber player by punching three children watching him play a pickup game. Los Angeles forgives him immediately.
Memphis: They have some solid young players in OJ Mayo and Rudy Gay and a promising post presence with Gasol and Thabeet. Unfortunately this is all negated by the fact that these players play for the Memphis Grizzlies.
Miami: Dwayne Wade, unhappy with Miami’s consistent inability to surround him with some talent opts to sell trademarked band-aids until his contract runs out.
Milwaukee: Best player on the Bucks in 5 years…Luc Richard M’bah a Moute. You heard it first from me.
Minnesota: Why is Ricky Rubio in American commercials already? He might not even play next year. Unacceptable.
New Jersey: Just think Nets staff and players. In one year you can move from that dump New Jersey to scenic Brooklyn (on the right)!
New Orleans: Traded number 2 overall pick who never fully developed for Charlotte’s slightly younger number 2 overall pick that never fully developed. The shockwaves running through the NBA are still being felt.
New York: Quit your complaining about the Knicks, the Yankees are tearing it up. Count your blessings.
Oklahoma City: I love this team’s young players. But seriously…Oklahoma?
Orlando: Stan Van Gundy predicts the Magic will win the Championship before remembering Vince Carter turns 33 next season…and that the Magic play in Orlando.
Philadelphia: Should’ve stayed at UCLA Jrue, I’m just saying.
Phoenix: My advice to Steve Nash, get your money from Vita-Water before everyone realizes its slightly flavored tap water with questionable health benefits. I still don’t understand why people buy that stuff.
Portland: The future’s bright, provided Oden doesn’t reveal that his middle name is Kwame.
Sacramento: This one goes out to every Warriors fan…who became a Kings fan who then deserted them when the Warriors made the second round of the playoffs in 2007…fuck you. I’ve been waiting 2 years to say that. Cheers.
San Antonio: It sure must be nice to be a team from Texas not dependent on an aging go-to big man.
Toronto: They still play basketball in Canada? I thought they only slaved for their evil public health care system.
Utah: I know this is beating a dead horse but seriously how often do you actually hear jazz in Salt Lake City?
Washington: I’m just going to say what we’re all thinking…give Obama the ball.
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