A New Way to Punish NBA Players

Society loves discipline. Sports leagues love discipline. The NBA really loves discipline. The NBA (along with other leagues) has always loved giving players, coaches, and Mark Cuban monetary punishments for any infraction to league rules. Some cases however, require more than just a "symbolic" punshiment of a fine and that's where suspensions come to play. While such action may derail a player's ability to buy a new hooker or a yacht (or even their playing careers, god forbid), most of the time they end up helping out a player's "street cred". This then creates a problem because more cred could actually lead to more endorsments as various corporations look to exploite the average men and women of the world. How should David Stern and the NBA solve this problem? The answer is easy. Simply put, short shorts. Not since John Stockton (pictured above) retired in 2003 had we been able to see another basketball players hairy thighs on a consistant basis (luckily retro days happen once in a blue moon). There is nothing more painful for a guy's street-cred then having to don skin tight short shorts in the 21st century. Nothing screams "homeboy" like a pair of baggy shorts, and nothing screams "goofy white guy living in the 1980's" like short shorts. Therefore, in addition to making players pay a few grand for bad behavior (it's a rough economy, the league needs the bling), the commish should also impose a short shorts sanction the said player for however many games he deems neccessary.
But wait, what if he really wants to suspend him? Well, have him sit on the bench, suited up in short shorts, but not allowed to be entered into the game or the scorecard. If a kid in Harlem was watching a game after the Malice in the Palace in 2004, with Ron Artest sitting on the bench in short shorts, would that kid say to himself "Wow! This guy is a badass?", No. Rather, that kid would laugh, and think that Artest is a pathetic joke. Here you go Commissioner Stern, another fun, entertaining, and useful way to discipline your players.