Midseason Report

So I have been completely off on most of my predictions about how this Pac-10 season was going to turn out, but I feel like so have a lot of people. Who would have known that Washington can't win (even once!) away from the friendly confines of Bank of America Arena? Who knew Arizona would be able to put something legitimate together and be in a tie a top the conference? And who knew that Oregon would win its first two, then drop a five, then sweep the LA schools? Not me and not anyone. This has been a roller coaster season, and even that is an understatement. For those who like to see actual numbers, here is the way the conference looks right now (courtesy of ESPN):

Yes, only three games separate first and last place. There are also five teams with a 4-5 record right now. With the exception of Oregon State, all the teams are tied at least with one other team. There balance and parity is out of control this year. But don't be fooled, it's not in a good way. I've watched plenty of the league games both in person and on the tube, and never saw a team put a three game stretch that would turn the heads of the NCAA Selection Committee. In this post I made some daring guesses about how the conference would transpire. Right now, I think that I would like to flip my top team and most disappointing team. I mean, Arizona is overachieving and Washington is completely inconsistent and undeserving of any praise at this point in the season. In five weeks, this could change again though. As far as my picks for FOY and POY I think that I am right on point because Reeves Nelson and Quincy Poindexter have worked wonders for UCLA and Washington respectively. So yay, I am 50% right at this point! This is like getting back a UCLA Engineering midterm because if you are above the 40% average, you can feel good about yourself.

Rush the court? Yes we will!

As a UCLA student, I felt obligated to reply to the criticisms for tonight's attempted rushing of the court. While many have called it pathetic, I too found the Den (and UCLA fans in general) to be pathetic but for far different reasons than you (which I shall address at the end of this rant).

The first thing I wanted to address was your pre-game attitude of fans. Many fans including myself (which is shown by the decrease of average attendance this year by 2,000 -i read this statistic i hope it's not true-), have expressed loss of all interest in the Bruins this season. Many people have lost all interest in this team as for ever glimmer of hope they show, they follow it up with a truck-load of disappointment. The feelign going into this game was that even if we squeaked out a win, we'd become embarrassed by Washington State and the Oregon teams. So what's the point?

Would an ordinary UCLA team follow up a win with embarrassing losses? No. Would this team? Yes, this team normally would. They are a team that is an embarassment to John Wooden and UCLA basketball. This has been the team that fell way short of our justified expectations of tournament wins. We were quick to shun this team and it showed. Fan attendance has been lackluster at best as I was able to get floor seats for these games in the student sections mere hours before the game, while in past years camping out was a necessity. This team is not your UCLA basketball team. This is a team of young, immature playeres who have not met the more than colossal expectations, and had no motivation is sight.

Ben Howland certainly wasn't providing motivation. Ben Howland is not a player's coach. There's no way around this fact. He preaches defense, but on the sideline you don't see much emotion. This is not the coach a team rallies around. Indeed, Howland played zone nearly all game showing all loss on his principles. While this is necessary for our skill-set, giving up on the trademark of his coaching certainly had to have some players losing some faith in his coaching. This team is starving for some form of motivation. In past wins they followed it up by losses since there waas no motivation. They were playing at a winner's school, where their minor victories were not met by congratulations but attidues like "its about time" and "they better not embarass us again." They were more rather scared of failure at an institute that condemns anything but perfection.

Therefore, the Washington game provided the attitude this team needs to thrive. This is not a team that will meet UCLA expectations. If you're worried about national expectations that's a joke. We have our reputation, it won't die over one season. We need to start focusing on this season. We have become the underdog team. We're not that team anymore that teams come to play saying "this is UCLA, they are proven, we better come out and show it." They are now the team of undercoached, overvalued youngsters who haven't done anything but disappoint.

This point brings me to tonight's attempted rush of the court. Coming into college I thought the only way UCLA would ever rush the court was a perfect season. Today changed that. Sure it was embarrassing. Sure it would seem terrible to see on Sportscenter: "UCLA rushes courts against unranked opponent." Its embarrassing. Its juvenile. And it's exactly what this team needs. We must drop this pompous, elite attitude. We're not a superpower this year and we gotta stop acting like it. Fans aren't coming to games since they expect perfection and they're not getting it this year. But we're an underdog team that can bring the exciting game (Cal and Washington) and that's what the fans should be expecting to see. Even though we failed to rush the court, it was exactly what we needed. Some of us (including myself) made it to midcourt. While we were shortly ushered off, the players certainly took note. I have never seen more energized players. Reeves Nelson let out a tremendous yell and Lee and Honeycutt were high fiving everyone. Don't say "These are the young players who have yet to understand our tradition". Roll was more amped up than anyone. This is what this team needs. If you don't want to be disappointed vs. Wash St (or the future), the team needs this encourage. They can no longer be thought of the "let-down team" but rather "the underdog team". We'll rush the court. We'll take it as an accomplishment. We'll win the games. Not as much as we should, but this team needs to take on a new identity.

Which brings me to my final point about the Den being pathetic. There was no reason we should not of rushed the court. The security guard were not intent on stopping us, they were doing only their duty (holding up their arms) and the LA fans got scared. While I know you are going call me out on breaking the law, but cops are obligated to do this. Ask any college basketball fan who has rushed a court (and do not bring up the USC-UCLA argument, Rose Bowl is completely different, we do not own that stadium so cops can pepper spray us, that would not do that to their own student at Pauley). You gotta take the step and run past those guards. Rushing the court is about claiming the court as ours. And that's what we needed. LA fans lack the enthusiasm needed. I have been to every football and basketball game and it has shown throughout. It showed during football season (half the stadium was empty for our bowl clinching win) and it has been half-empty this basketball seaason. Its embarrassing. That being said, if we could have pulled off the rush, imagine the clip on sportcenter. It would be what our players and fans needed. Think of any rushing the court clip, the riot in the middle of the courts, fans celebrating with athletes. Now forget history, if fans see that on the tv do you not think they will be pumped up to go to future games? What's better? Seeing the win and then seeing our record (8-10) and thinking we suck? Or seeing the win and the celebration and thinking "this is a team i wanna see." If this team saw a chaotic celebration do you not think they would be amped up knowing their fan base loves them?

We were the number one play on espn and our crowd needs to get behind this team. They are not our past teams but they are today's team. Never forget our history. We are UCLA. We are championship. But this team is not at the level so we have to meet them halfway. Our expectations are too high, we are an underdog team and we gotta feed that identity.

Sorry to offend any fans, but being in the heart of the den then hearing the criticism set me off. Celebrate with the team. Our reputation will stay in place and if we want more respect, we need to start winning. Some of the point may seem exaggerated, but I hope the point reaches home. Drop the attitude of expecting championships for right now. At least for this season. These players need that.

Why the Bruins Will Win

Here are the top 10 reasons why a Bruin victory on Saturday could happen (with a pictural tribute to Reggie Carter, this was 3 years ago):

1. Rahim Moore/ATV v. Matt Barkley - Matt Barkley loves throwing INTs. Well... I don't know if he loves it, but he does so anyways. Moore leads the nation in INTs and ATV just had another pick-6 last weekened.

2. Brian Price - Sure the U$C OL was touted as the best in the conference, but Brian Price dominated the Tennessee and Stanford ones, so why not them?

3. Kai Forbath - Duh.

4. Jeff Locke - another Duh.

5. Nelson Rosario - the kid has come into his own since the Oregon State game, and we know it's a matter of time before Taylor Mays hits him late after a catch and UCLA gets 15 more yards (sounds familiar Trojans?).

6. Norm Chow - Without him Pete Carroll offenses are clueless if they have talent even remotely close to their opponents. Chow knows the Pete Carroll defense, and this year he actually has competent components to try and shred it apart.

7. Akeem Ayers - This guy has been unbelievable the second half of the season. It would be a surprise if DC Chuck Bullough doesn't use him in multiple ways to disrupt Barkley and the U$C OL.

8. Rick Neuheisel - He knows how to beat the Trojans (though hasn't yet as the Bruin coach), and how to get into Pete Carroll's head. Hopefully he'll join Jim Harbaugh and do so on the field as well.

9. IQ - sure U$C might be more talented, but we all know their players lack the brain cells UCLA players have.

10. Want - it seems like the Bruins want it more, plain and simple. The Trojans have the talent, but do they really want it? Not by what I've been reading.

A look back at our weekend...

Before I start I need to explain something. For those of you who don’t know I’m a die-hard Bay Area Sports fan, Giants, 49ers, Warriors, Sharks and I’m going to throw UCLA in there too for no particular reason. Now I’m no fair-weather fan but to be honest watching sports events I am emotionally invested in has been one of the most depressing uses of my time since the 2002 World Series…or really since Steve Young retired. This weekend, however, was a little ray of sunshine on the cloudy day and I thought I’d share it with you since you started reading this anyway.

49ers (and Jay Cutler) beat the Bears
Going into this game I was assuming Alex Smith would be the quarterback who would lead the 49ers to victory (if they won that is). I was wrong. They still won, but Jay Cutler did more for Mike Singletary than the Niners’ passing game could dream of. Thanks to his efforts the 49er defense had more total yards receiving than all but one of the Chicago receivers (90 yards). Who’s wondering what Rex Grossman’s up to?

UCLA destroys Wazzu
No one’s saying this shouldn’t have happened. Washington State blows. But it’s nice to see our boys in blue stick it to someone for once. Prince looked comfortable in the pocket and made plays, the receivers caught their passes, and for some reason Coach Neuheisel decided Chane Moline should get every potential touchdown run. 1 win away from bowl eligibility wooooo!!!

Stanford takes USC behind the barn and shoots it
What a mess this was. It’s not just that USC got its vaunted ass handed to it. It’s not that it happened at home. It’s not even that Pete Carroll’s golden boy Matt Barkley threw 3 interceptions. It was Pete Carroll’s face after the game as he walked to shake Jim Harbaugh’s hand (and presumably lecture him on running up the score, ironic much?). The game Saturday wasn’t a tricky win, just a straight up beating issued by Stanford’s offensive line that effectively ended the Trojans’ hopes of being at all relevant this year. This wasn’t a win for Stanford; it was a win for America.

San Jose Sharks
I hear they’re doing pretty good. Ok, to be honest it’s too early for hockey. Moving on.

Warriors wi-…Warriors almost win!
How often does a team score 125 points in regulation and not win. But then again how often does a rookie score 55 points against them…during his seventh game ever in the NBA…without any overtime. There’s no denying it now, our boys might have a problem on defense…might. However, assuming they were a normal team and could play even acceptable defense there’s no question they’d have won. I’ll scratch that down for a win for Don Nellie and his Warriors.

And then…

Warriors trade Steven Jackson!!!
Thank god, I’ve been saying we should drop Jackson since Baron Davis got the hell out of dodge and ended up on the seasonal powerhouse LA Clippers (HA!). So anyway this story didn’t ruin my weekend until I read the whole headline: “Warriors Trade Steven Jackson…to the Charlotte Bobcats.” As good as Michael Jordan was at playing basketball, he’s that much worse at managing basketball teams. Under his guidance Charlotte has become a wasteland of mediocrity that simply boggles the mind. The only saving grace of a trade sure to bring us a heaping pile of nothing is that the Warriors somehow pushed Capt. Jack onto a team with less of a future than they do.

So much for this weekend. I wonder what’s going on in Politics.

The Whacky Pac-10

This conference is insane. Really. How can so many teams still have a shot at a trip to Pasadena on January 1st? What more insane is that all those teams sport respectable records and a Top-25 ranking. Here is a link to a post I did two weeks ago about the state of the Pac-10 after Week 9. Now, look how the conference looks right now (courtesy of ESPN):

Here is what jumps out to me with the current state of the Pac:
1. U$C is in 5th place and will probably not finish higher than 3rd.
2. 6 teams have earned bowl eligibility, with UCLA one win away, and ASU having a shot at it too.
3. While Arizona is in 4th, they still control their destiny.
4. Stanford is 2nd, and would probably not fall beyond 5th.
5. A 3 way tie, if not 4 way tie is still not out of the question.

Oh by the way, I am pretty sure that I correctly gave props to Stanford a month and a half ago, after just 5 weeks into the college football season. Furthermore, I also knew Andrew Luck was a special player (took me a game in person to do it, but still) in addition to TG. Then again, if Cal beats Stanford in Palo Alto next Saturday, it can all change once again. How can anyone NOT love this???

And So It Begins...

College basketball is officially upon us! The season officially started this past Monday, as North Carolina donned some really ugly throwbacks in its rout of FIU. Today many more teams such as Georgetown, Kentucky, and Washington began their quest to reach the NCAA tournament. While all those three teams will end up with a strong seed come March, it would be unfair to overlook the way college basketball actually pans out in the 4.5 months leading up to the Madness. Remember last year's "strong" Big East? Yeah... how'd Notre Dame and the aforementioned Hoyas end up doing? So who knows. I mean, sure you have your sure bets in Michigan State, UNC, and Kansas, but who really knows what will happen? What if Cole Aldrich sprains an ankle and he's out during the meat of the Big-12 season? Or if Zeller/Davis of UNC get injured as they are tall and skinny guys and UNC drops a couple games including one to hated Duke?

The beauty of the basketball season as opposed to the football season (and I'm not even talking about a legitimate determination of a champion) is that it is longer and much more intriguing even though many of the top teams maintain their preseason position, but it is easier for teams to move up and earn strong bids, just ask Kansas circa 2009. As a UCLA student and an avid fan, it could be easy to be slightly discouraged because for the first time in my four years here we are not the favorites to win the Pac-10. However, I see no reason why a Howland coached team with so much promise (how about two top 10 recruiting classes) cannot challenge the likes of Washington and Cal for the top spot. Sure, they have heavy guard play which is exactly what UCLA will lack, but UCLA has a huge height advantage, which could be served as a positive sign. I can go on and speculate and ramble on about what could happen, but the beauty of the basketball season is that we get to see these great match ups not only once like football, but twice! Well, at least in the Pac-10 since it plays a true round robin. Oh basketball, how have I missed you...

Where Are They Now? ... Israel

As some of you may remember, I did a piece a couple months back when this blog was starting up about the The Dumbest Frontline in Basketball. The reason that I am bringing this up is because every year there is a slew of new American players who flee to Europe to find fame and fortunes in the world of basketball. To try and keep up with this crazy migration, I have decided out of the kindness of my heart to find out which Pac-10 players are playing in my homeland of Israel. The list will have it all, from Trojans to Bruins to Huskies and everything in between (perhaps). While the fact that I know of three players who played in the Pac-10 and are now in the Holy Land honing their skillz (yes, with a "z") is not enough, it is a good place to start. Below is a comprehensive list of all former Pac-10 heroes playing in Israel (listed by alma mater):

Stanford:
Matt Haryasz (Bnei-Hasharon)

UCLA:
Dijon Thompson (Hapoel Jerusalem)

U$C:
David Bluthental (Maccabi TA)
Davon Jefferson (Maccabi Haifa)

Washington:
Tre Simmons (Hapoel Jerusalem)
Justin Dentmon (Hapoel Afula)

Well, only four out of the ten teams are represented. However, the groups is pretty diverse because a lot of the players did not compete against each other, though some had small overlaps.

Top 5 moments where the Trojan broke

Bruins, we've had a rough stretch out there in the Rose Bowl so far. We went up against a superior team a 1 - 2 running back punch with Heisman candidate Jahvid Best and Shane Vereen and lost a game we probably had no business winning. I, like many of the Bruin faithful have very fond memories of the 2007 UCLA - Cal game climaxing with ATV's pick 6 to the house right into the student section. Part of me thought we'd defend our house and bring back the magic but the result of the game was essentially what should have happened.

Don't worry, the season is far from over and we still have winnable games ahead to look forward to. And lest we forget, bad times hit everybody. And sometimes, bad times hit hard. Which leads me to my point. We all know a Bruin is forever but a Trojan is good only once. Thus it is written and handed down to posterity. But sometimes, as I'm sure a few of us plagued with bad luck know, a Trojan isn't good even once. Sometimes it breaks, and then you've got quite a mess to deal with. Let's take a minute to forget this weekend and reminiece the top 5 moments in recent history where The University of Second Choice failed to finish.

5) 2005: USC loses to Texas in the BCS Championship 41-38. This was a long time ago now. For all of USC's hype and hooplah, since 2005 they have been regularly denied college football's coveted crown. This game made me an instant Texas fan which I still am today. Anybody that gives USC the middle finger on national television is a friend in my book. And guess what? They're not going to the NC this year either. As much as I would love to see Tebow smash Trojan D-line, its just not in the cards this year. It would be great though, but one can only dream.

4) 2008: USC allows its student-athletes to be paid(again). Honestly, Spoiled Children Central really has no moral foundation. We live in a society based on law and rules. Having laws and rules has been fashionable in modern civilization for, I don't know, maybe the past 6,000 years, but I guess USC knows something that I don't know. 2008, of course, is when it came out that USC turned the other way when O.J. Mayo received thousands of dollars in cash gifts and other presents from Rodney Guillory who was essentially bribing him to turn pro and sign with his agency. This is of course highly illegal per NCAA rules. But when you've got the NCAA sucking at your Cardinal and Gold teat, there's really nothing they're going to do to he who provides the money. Oh, and how did this end? With the resignation of Tim Floyd who actually was doing a decent job rebuilding Trojan basketball. Nicely done USC. Be prepared to be perpetually pounded by us at least twice a year for the next forever.

3) 2008 (great year for the kids in the ghetto): The 'Black out the Bruins' Fiasco. This one was just magical. Simply magical. In 2008, USC decided they were going to unleash madness on us at the Galen Center by wearing super tight black jerseys and get all the fans to wear super tight black tshirts. Super intimidating, I know. I remember having no idea that this was going to happen until the game started and the announcers told me about it. I wasn't impressed or even surprised. USC's arrogance is simply unbounded, as anyone who has been to a USC home football game knows all too well. As history shows, arrogance goes punished by the righteous, and righteous we were that evening in the drafty Galen wine cellar. Final score? 56-46. And if you recall, it was never even close. After about the 10th minute in, it was smooth sailing for Collison, Westbrook, KLove et. all. Man I miss those three so much.

2) 2007: USC loses to Stanford AT HOME snapping a THIRTY FIVE GAME HOME WIN STREAK. USC has developed a fine stradition of completely crapping out in a random Pac 10 game which shuts them out of a BSC game. It is seriously something that has become so hillariously common that I get to look forward to it every year (props Washington!) But of all the annual Trojan bursters (save one; see below) this one really takes the cake. USC drops a game here and there but they lost to STANFORD. This isn't todays Stanford. This is 2007 Stanford who was 1-3 going into the game vs. the boyz in skurts who were 3-0 at the time. Oh yeah and did I mention this was at the oh so fabled Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum? What happened Trojans? Did your little torch that you light every 4th quarter go out? Did Traveler trip on his way over? My goodness, and it wasn't like this was on national television or anything right? Oh...wait it was.

1) December 2nd, 2006: 13-9 @ The Rose Bowl. This moment needs no introduction. We were all there. We all saw the magic. We all saw DeWayne Walker's defense riddle USC for days. We saw Justin Hickman and Bruce Davis light up John David Booty again and again. We saw Patrick Cowan scramble all over the Trojan defense. We saw Patrick Cowan get smacked in the head in the 4th quarter and played through it to deliver the most awesome Trojan buster there has been in recent history. Why is this the best Trojan buster? First of all, this happened during my freshman year and I was at the game. The story of my 13-9 day is one of my most favorite and most told stories I've got in college which would be too long to state here but suffice to say I was there, I was hung over, and I got tear gassed by Rose Bowl security after we won. Secondly we f*cked up USC's BCS dreams hardcore. USC came into the game 10-1 and ranking number 2 in the BCS polls. They had practically already punched their BCS ticket and I'm sure many Trojies had already bought their tickets to the national championship game. All they had to do was just put away little old 6-5 UCLA and their berth would be secured. Then we stuck it to them. Hard. One offensive TD and a safety is all they got. The wheels came off the wagon. The mighty Trojan offensive machine came to a screeching halt in front of 95,000 fans. What a glorious day. The night that followed was pure hysteria in Westwood. Cops with riot geat at every intersection, couches and cars got torched (they were all red couches and cars naturally), USC was embarrassed on the national stage and they have not seen the BSC since. I love it.


I hope this trip down memory lane brings you all some catharsis. Yes we've come on some tough times and yes some expectations were set a little too high. But hey, things could be a lot worse. We could have these 5 little beauties in our resume. And we could also be going to school in the straight up ghetto. And we could be a part of an atheletic program that is so riddled in shame and corruption it makes Watergate look like amateur hour. Face it, no matter what happens this season we're still Bruins, we still attend the best school in the nation with the best location, academics, atheletic program (can you say 104 National Championships?), alumni, and people.

Oregon Football Jersey Week: Part I

Oregon is in town this coming weekend to play the Bruins and as a tribute of sorts to our awkward neighbors to the north we here at Ran Jeremy Sports are each taking a look back our own favorite football jerseys worn over the years by the University of Oregon Ducks. If you’re one of those people who just asked themselves, “why their jerseys,” then you obviously aren’t well acquainted with the University of Oregon. In what must be the result of a designer with ADHD the school keeps each one of its football players more inundated with clothing than Paris Hilton. In 2006 they bragged to have more than 500 different uniform combinations I kid you not.

Today we’re going back to Oregon vs. Mississippi State opening day 2003 to take a look at a real douzie that lasted all of one game.



Let’s make no mistake here folks. I like bold, and brash, and the occasional mix of the two. But bold, brash and insanely yellow is another story. Oregon had some bad jerseys before the Nike era but this little number makes me hearken back to a day without Phil Knight.

The only redeeming part of this jersey is the subtle irony of the yellow seeming to form a “Y” right in front. “Why” indeed must have been on more than a few minds as the team gallivanted onto the field for warm-ups on opening day of the 2003 season. Reportedly gasps were heard in the crowd, from both Oregon’s and Mississippi State’s cheering sections.

Fortunately for both the fans and the team these jerseys only saw the gridiron once and have since been recycled into police caution tape. 2003 had many ups and downs; this was certainly one of the latter.

UCLA Fall Football Scrimmage

UCLA Scrimmage –

The UCLA fall scrimmage occurred earlier today and I have to say, I still don’t know how we’re going to fare this season but I’m positive we’re going to win more than 4 games. Woohoo! What’s the basis for this assumption? We had several plays over 60 yards, including a nice 60-yard run by redshirt freshman Johnathan Franklin. Kevin Prince threw one interception, which is impressive considering that we were impressive in that category last year. The offensive line looked phenomenal in comparison to last year, allowing our backs to rack up 181 yards on 29 carries. Now, this in itself isn’t that impressive if these were the numbers that were produced during a regular season game, in fact, it’d be down right shitty, but the thing to note is that this is just a scrimmage. So what if we didn’t get 200+, 300+ yards rushing? That just means that our defense was able to hold our offense.

Wait; does that mean our offense sucks? I can’t really gauge that until we start playing other teams but we did score 23 points on offense and 7 points on defense. Our defense is bomb; we all know that, so lets enjoy the fact we were able to scrap up 30 points. Oh shit, does that mean our defense isn’t as great as it used to be? I can’t tell anymore. We need to play someone else beside ourselves.

I think the best part of the scrimmage is that Drake was filled up with a little more than 6,500 people. 6,500! For a scrimmage! This was the first time I’ve been to a scrimmage but I was amazed that so many people showed up. A vital part of any sports team is fan support and Neuheisel has done an amazing job of cultivating fan faith through his recruits, coaching staff, players, and by being a bad ass.

Dudes and dudettes, I can’t for football season to start.

The Scariest, Creepiest mascot in college sports

Oski of the Cal Bears

I remember my first encounter with Oski. I was a young, vibrant, attractive college freshmen playing alto saxophone in the UCLA Marching Band. We were playing Cal at their home and everything was going swell until I heard some screaming coming from near the tailgate area. After that I saw a brown and yellow figure sprinting towards campus being trailed by UC Berkeley Police. Abandoning my saxophone warmup circle, I searched for the source of the screaming which by this point had developed into low regulated sobbing and discovered that Oski the Bear had molested yet another 7 year old.

Okay, so some of that story didn't actually happen. But look at this guy. Look at that creepy and overexxxagerated grin. It's a trademark pedosmile - the sort of smile a pedophile gets sitting at a public park bench seeing kids having a water balloon fight. Look at that hunched back. He can't even stand upright. He has to stay hunched so he can target his prey - unsuspecting 7 year olds. Oski the Bear is a 80 year old pervert who assaults and molests young children. His strategy is so brilliant: what is more welcoming and fun for a small child than a big old nice bear. He has that Yogi the Bear vibe going: kind of awkward looking but loveable. Except whereas Yogi the Bear only delved into picnic baskets, Oski the Bear delves into the pants of prepubescent minors.

There isn't any reason that Oski the Bear has to be a pedophile. He's a bear. Bears are inherently rugged, manly, and awesome. How hard is it to fuck up a bear mascot for a college? Here's a mascot based off a bear that doesn't look like he wants to suckle on the lollipops of the young: Joe Bruin of the UCLA Bruins. Joe doesn't molest the young. Joe specializes in beating ass and eating young Trojans. Joe eats 4 to 5 Trojans a day in order to satiate his bottomless hunger. Sometimes Joe spices up his meals with the tears of silly USC students who sob mercilessly at night clutching their rejection letters from UCLA. Joe is often seen at UCLA sporting events using his bear pheremones to enrage the crowd and players against the opposite football team. Joe Bruin epitomizes everything a college mascot should be. When I see Joe Bruin, I don't think about shielding my kids from his gaze. I instead bring my (metaphorically speaking) children to Joe Bruin so they can sit at his knee while he teaches them how to be a badass.

Oski should be locked away and have to wear a GPS device from his ankle and live at least 3,000 feet away from a public school or park.

Joe Bruin doesn't like children unless they're upcoming UCLA students that he mentors or Trojan children that comprise his his diet. UCLA might borrow most of its iconography from Cal (including mascot, fight song, colors, even names of buildings) but this is always done because we show Cal where they fucked up and then illustrate how one can improve on it.
Joe Bruin is a stud. Fuck Oski, fuck Cal, go Bruins!!!