Call of the Wild Card Part II: Le Deuxieme

How do you do accent marks on this thing?

I’d like to start out today by sending an apology to Ryan Rohlinger who just came through in the clutch to expand our lead against the Rockies (Giants fan, sue me). You’ve earned your props today.

Onto the league that thinks it is still baseball if the pitcher doesn’t bat. I don’t like the idea of designated hitters. If you step out into a batter’s box you had better be able to take a position on the field and vice versa. No exceptions.

American League Wild Card Race


Looking over their DH’s shoulder, cuz god forbid if the pitcher has to bat.

Detroit Tigers – I’m sorry to do this to you guys. I mean, I can’t even think of a time when your team was relevant since you had Ty Cobb. But honestly I don’t trust your bullpen to carry even a “talented” group of starters. Minnesota’s creeping up and Joe Mauer’s the greatest player ever*.


In the thick of it; because their pitcher isn’t batting and that juiced up dude who can’t field does it for him.

Boston Red Sox – This reminds me that I should go watch “The Departed” again**. Anyway, you guys were cool when you overcame the Curse of the Bambino way back whenever but people stopped caring promptly next season and I hate to say that I only root for you if you’re playing the Yankees. Luckily for you David Ortiz is finally learning to swing without steroids. Unluckily, however, the Yankees fired George Costanza and promptly went on a massive winning streak. Consequently the Wild Card is the Sox’ only root into the playoffs. Have fun guys.

Texas Rangers – First of all can I just say that Texas is not west enough to be in the Western Division. Second, what’s with a club whose president is Nolan Ryan having such a pathetic strike out count from its pitching staff? It’s like as if Michael Jordan took ownership of an NBA franchise without any playoff hopes and frankly no future…perhaps a team based out of a city like Charlotte. It’d be crazy.

Tampa Bay – This team deserves props after a great run at the playoffs last year. Too bad they were hit with yet another cold sloppy dose of reality this year with the Yankees and the Red Sox once again commanding the lead of the division. Everyone loves Evan Longoria but it’s just the damned unfortunate truth that they’re boxed out of the playoffs as it stands. Should’ve joined the AL Central.

Seattle Mariners – HA! Just kidding.


Hey guys can I play DH?

Seattle Mariners – Here we go. You have Ichiro. That’s it. I will say that Ken Griffey Jr.’s swing is the most beautiful in baseball but it won’t win them a playoff spot. Hey Seattle, there’s always basketball season awwwwww (too soon?).


*not accurate
**The Boondock Saints too