Mascot Wars Round 2: Tennessee Volunteers - Let's go to prison

Last week we looked at the San Diego State Aztec. We learned that the Aztec's fearless nature stems from their ability to cause hectic bowel movements and learned on the field last Saturday that the SDSU offense is basically a hectic bowel movement as well. This week the Bruin s play the Tennessee Volunteers. Kind of an odd choice for a university mascot; I know I for one didn't understand it. But now I do, and I'm here to spread the knowledge.

I have personal experience with the Tennessee Volunteer. When I was in 9th grade I traveled to the fair town of Knoxville and was a part of a competition that was held on the campus of UT. I stayed in the dorms, traveled all around Knoxville, saw the sights, etc. Make no mistake, Knoxville is in backwater Tennessee - an oxymoron in itself because as us we civilized people on the Coast understand, ALL of Tennessee is backwater. I swear, time runs backwards there. When we were driving around, we were told that at four way stops, the car with the biggest wheels has the right of way. Knoxvillans are a different breed of person than you and I. Learn more about their type with this primer on hick bros. Back to the Volunteer. One night I my friends and I were exploring campus and got lost. After much wandering we ran into the Volunteer himself. He looks like this.

Now, I was told that the reason behind choosing the Volunteer as a mascot was due to the overwhelmingly large number of Tennesseeans who volunteered to fight in the Revolutionary War, War of 1812, Civil war, et al. Sounds like it makes sense, except for one thing. If they're so Red White and Blue with their service (except for their presence in the Civil War. See Confederacy.), then wheres the Red White and Blue in their colors? No Red, certainly no Blue; only white appears and this is to augment the primary color which is a neon Orange. The Volunteer's color is Orange? That's not even slightly patriotic or has anything to do with being a volunteer for Americas Wars of Independence. Therefore, I cannot accept the given explanation for choosing the Volunteer as their mascot. I was left with two things to work off of: the color orange and Volunteer. Where have I seen that color before? And where have I seen that color in a Volunteering context? Suddenly it dawned on me:
There it is. The orange color. The Volunteering. And most importantly - the police officer. Readers, I give you the true Tennessee Volunteer. This isn't your normal type of Volunteer either. This Volunteer wants to Volunteer so bad that they'll go to jail for it. And the average Tennesseean likes Volunteering so much that that the state of Tennessee clocks in at #23 among state incarceration rates (source: Tennessee Dept. of Corrections Statistical Abstract, September 2008, pg 21). Not bad Tennessee. You just can't get enough of Volunteering can you? Lets take a minute to get to know the Volunteer since we're going to up against 11 of their finest this weekend. Tennessee as a state breaks down demographically 80.4% white, 16.9% black, and 3.2% hispanic (source: www.municipedia.com/Tennessee). Of this pool of potential Volunteers the breakdown reads 51% white, 47% black, 2% other (source: Statistical Abstract, pg 27). Here I see some inconsistencies. 80.4% vs 51% for white Volunteers and 16.9% vs. 47% for black Volunteers. I may be a history major and haven't taken a math class in 5+ years (Calculus was so 2004...), but unless my eyes deceive me I see a disproportionate number of black Volunteers present in the Volunteering system. What can account for this? I can only speculate. Maybe black Tennesseans really, really like being a Volunteer. Or maybe its something else (see racism). One can only speculate. We can look at some facts though. Above you see some numbers. How about some history? Well on December 24th, 1865, 6th middle class Tennessee Confederate Civil War veterans started the most notorious and heinous group in American history, the Klu Klux Klan. Their trademark robes were white.

Now a comparison

The Tennessee Volunteer

Location: Knoxville
Colors: Orange and White. I think the readers can make the connections
Mascot: The Volunteer. Commonly seen on sides of freeways; prison
Last Years Record: 5 - 7 (3 - 5 SEC). Maybe Tennessee should spend a little less time Volunteering?
Hobbies: Volunteering, losing to UCLA

UCLA Bruins

Location: Los Angeles
Colors: True Blue and Gold.
Mascot: Bruin. Commonly seen in Westwood, Bel Air, Brentwood, Beverly Hills, Santa Monica just kickin it
Last Years Record: 4 - 8 (3 - 6 Pac 10)
Hobbies: Staying out of prison, getting good jobs, not living in Tennessee, beating Tennessee football

Go Bruins!!!