Call of the Wild Card

Puns…they're what’s for breakfast.

With August slipping away baseball season is kicking into overdrive. Series’ are becoming more heated, pitchers are throwing inside, and Bruce Bochy’s ejection count is going up faster than his blood pressure. Now since I’m opposed to having divisions in baseball (“…one nation, indivisible…”) let’s focus on the State of the Wild Card standings.

National League Wild Card Race


Looking over their shoulder…

LA Dodgers – Although the Dodgers have lost the status of one of the most dominant clubs in MLB this year they still know how to win, provided the team they’re playing is in the NL West. Both the Rockies and the Giants have better non-conference records. I’m not saying they won’t make the playoffs because with their schedule it’d take an act of god for them not to. But if they want to be a playoff threat it had best change.


In the thick of it…

Colorado Rockies – They have the lead but need to pull something off this weekend if they want to keep it. They’re in for a weekend against 2 Cy Young Award winners and a current Cy Young candidate in Matt Cain Sunday, not to mention one of the best home teams in baseball. That’s not to say Barry Zito is on Cy Young form but his bi-polar-esque play on opposite ends of the All-Star break is well known to favor him afterwards. But seriously, Rockies, if you guys pull off another amazing end-of-the-season and playoff run only to eat it to the AL in the World Series no one’s going to like you anymore.

San Francisco – At the risk of sounding like every know nothing baseball announcer these guys need some offense. To make matters worse Freddy Sanchez is injured and some guy named Ryan Rohlinger had to be placed on their active roster (who is this fool?). Their bullpen isn’t putting up the numbers they were around the All-Star break and Joe Martinez is a bum. I mean, no offense to the dude; I have mad respect for him taking a line drive to the noggin and coming back to start. Dare I say, I was inspired. But coming back from a concussion does not excuse an ERA over 7. The bottom line is they have the skill to win the Wild Card but they will need every ounce to overcome a schedule that looks as promising as the outcome of a Roland Emmerich film. Look it up.

Florida Marlins – Josh Johnson is pitching well. Unfortunately not one else outside of their bullpen is doing the same. I’ll be honest, I don’t like Florida. I think the Marlin is a substandard baseball mascot and I’m still bitter about them knocking the Giants out of the playoffs in 1997. They may technically be only 4.5 games out of the Wild Card lead but they might as well be 20.5 games out because either way they are just as likely to make the playoffs. And I base all of this on sound unbiased scientifically backed judgment.

Atlanta Braves – About an hour ago some tool announcing the Dodgers vs. Reds game declared his belief they would win the wild card as a dark horse something or other. I would like to take this time to thoughtfully reply: f*** that. It’s not that they do anything terribly or have a glaring weakness. They just don’t do anything that well and as a result are no fun to watch. They’re the San Antonio Spurs of baseball minus the talent. Sure if the NL West is devastated by the swine flu they have a shot but I’m sure not banking on them leading the pack without resorting to biological warfare.


Hey guys can I play?

Chicago Cubs – I guess the 101st year won’t be a charm after all. Doesn’t really matter how many goats you slaughter on Wrigley Field or how many award winning hospital dramas you base in the city, Chicago’s the metaphorical uncoordinated kid who follows you to the baseball field and ends up being all time right fielder if there’s an uneven amount of kids playing.


Tomorrow: American League Wild Card Race