What do you get when you mix NFL players, Sobe, and computer animation?

Ok, first things first. I think it’s a perfectly normal and okay thing for any professional athlete who can secure endorsement deals to do so. Who am I to say, “Hey, buddy, do you really need to sign that urinal cake contract? Because I think you can pay for your pool without having millions of guys pissing all over your smiling face.” This is America, the land were product placement was perfected and corporate sponsorship pumps through the veins of many of our fine institutions. But a line has to be drawn somewhere and on the other side of that line is the Sobe commercial starring Ray Lewis, Matt Light, and Justin Tuck that aired during Super Bowl XLIII.

You might remember this commercial as the one where Lewis, Light, and Tuck start off doing ballet to Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake but then quickly dazzle us with their crunk moves when a lizard of sorts tastes a bit of Sobe Lifewater. I got nothing wrong with pro American football players exercising their rights to pirouette in front of America, in fact, I think it’s hilarious. They’re especially funny when they dance, which is all the time. What makes this commercial so ridiculous for me is that I just don’t understand what they were trying to go for here. Maybe Sobe really wanted to get their name out and what better venue is there than the Super Bowl? Still, the commercial is so absurd! Watch it and let your brain me assailed by the strangeness of it all! Why Ray!? Why’d you have to go and be turned into a lizard like that? Do you even like Sobe Lifewater? And why the hell are there characters from that movie I didn’t see in here!? WTF?!?!